I almost got tetanus matching sox. I knew the job was hazardous.....probably why I hadn’t matched sox for a long, long time. Or even longer.
My DH now buys a new bag of socks every time he goes to WalMart because that way he will be assured of having clean socks that match each other. Over time, those socks add up. It’s like having little rabbit socks multiplying in the sock bin. OK, bins.
Back to the tetanus. I was dead serious about getting the socks matched (my husband had just been to WalMart). So I searched everywhere in the house and out for socks to match. I was going to get it done, completely. (Until someone wore socks again.)
Back to the tetanus. Anyway, several socks some how showed up outside. My DH swore that he had hung the last pair on the front porch railing but found them later in the middle of the front lawn. After discussion, we decided that Zippy the dog was probably too short to reach the railing so it was probably Gertrude the stray peacock who stole them. She missed her eggs which she had been sitting on unsuccessfully for months. (She’s a single pea hen with no hope of a love life).
Back to the tetanus. The remaining two socks on the FRONT porch railing were stiff enough with mud to hold up a table, if had there been four of them. That happens when a man with a large hole in his irrigation boots is standing in a dirt ditch full of water. I also found a gross of gross socks hiding under exercise machines, tables, floors, clothes hampers.
OK here is the tetanus tie-in. You can get tetanus from dirt and a puncture wound. Those socks had plenty of dirt and those socks were so stiff and if I had not been careful,, I could have punctured my skin with one of them. Not a common small puncture wound, but one about four inches wide....very dangerous. I had to spend about 30 minutes or MORE hand washing those socks so they would be clean enough to put in the washing machine on heavy duty and extra water. Once, the sink water even turned Khaki colored because I was washing khaki out of them. Luckily, being the extremely agile person that I am, I avoided the puncture wound.
I could go on and on with this sock saga, but I won’t. I will just give you a tally of the socks I found and washed....I even washed the ones with holes that I am going to throw away. Going green doesn’t mean throwing things in the trash that have enough dirt to grow green plants in.
Brace yourselves. (I almost put self, but I think I am up to two readers instead of one.)
Treasure trove: Matched socks hidden at the bottom of a clothes basket:
His: (in pairs, unless otherwise listed)
White: 9 Black: 20
1 Spanx White: 11 Black: 10 *Misc: 7 Mittens: 3 prs, 3 lone
Trouser sox: 12 Mom socks: 4
Total: 73 pairs or 146 individual sox
Socks that I actually matched
His: (in pairs, yada, yada, yada....)
White: 67 Black 40 Gray 1 Singles with holes: 55
*Skunk about 8 * black and white, I can’t get clean ...serious farm sox
White: 53 Black: 10 nylon knees highs: 17 reg, 6 black
fuzzy: 7 mixed race (1 purple, 1 green) 1
*miscellaneous 7 * includes, Santa Claus, gophers, reindeer, polka dot, etc. Note: for some reason this category does not exist for the “His” column.
Total: 209 pairs 418 socks individual
6 nylons, 11 black nylons, 15 white, 18 weird (hers) 30 black, Total : 80
Socks with holes: 55 Which leaves 55 lonely mates, now known as miss-mates.
I'd break it down further, but I'm not obsessive.
Grand total of sox which I have handled in the past two days: 699 Socks
HA! Walmart. We don’t need you any more. Unless you sell sock holders....
Least you think after reading this that I have no life, I watched high quality daytime dramas as I worked..